Friends & Relationship...

Looking back at my facebook and myspace profile, I have little friends and some of them have never talk to me or connecting with me there, even though they were on my friend list. So, I might think that they may be stalkers or some sort of strangers or negatively too shy to show themselves. However, its better to regret than to hate. Well, for me its always been a personal thing when it comes to facebook, or myspace, or anything in the internet that I wrote or posted.  Thus, if anything about me on the net that seems to make me feel uncomfortable, ignorance is what I shall do. Because I really don't give a shit on some people. For instance, if someone added me in facebook, I will see how it goes. If  It gives no value for the friendship or whatever, then I'll remove he or she from my friend list or if its too suspicious, I'll not entirely accepting his or her request at all. Its not that I being arrogant or not being friendly, Its just that sometimes I feel like I need to disqualify people that didn't match me at all. Of course, Its not that easier than you think. I go through people saying bad things about me, sometimes publicly. Feel empathy for their anger. xD

  I dont have much of teenage friend and sometimes I feel very isolated. So my friendship is not just with people, but it is also about my carrier, Its about how I conducting with my work, improving my studies,  experiencing  the coursework, completing group task, and where my vision is through them, through the journey that we had together, with my classmates. Im always grateful to be working with my studymates lecturers. My study mates were really nice. Ive been working so hard, my whole life to be successful  in my carrier. Carrier is in one of my goals in life. The outcomes are really impressive when It is done excellently, so Im quite excited to be always tired for myself. :D

 When  in high school years, I remember those words "I want you to reject anyone who's ever made you feel like you don't belong." I always feel like I'll never be anything in life, I love to learn on people somehow. People think I learn like a freak, but when I look up to myself, I'm so sure that there will be good input for me to achieve something. It really keeps me from losing hope. :)

On the other hand, do I look like I'm a loser sometimes? Yes, Of course I do. Everybody feels like a loser sometimes. So, I really do feel like one, especially when it comes to have a good partner or better  known as  a girlfriend. I think people have this conception about me, or misconception rather. I strongly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. But for me? It's a secret. ;) My relationship  is the only thing I don't talk about. I don't know how others do it, I really don't. I don't know how others talk about their love affair or their breakup or even their  love story. I would never reveal anything like that. Its totally a secret  in a different way. I rather reveal it much in a very appropriate way. Perhaps by engagement  or  by wedding. ^.^

Having said all of that, there may or may not be a partner with whom you’ll spend your life. :/ Not everyone has the experience of growing old with another human being. It may or may not happen for you and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. ;) There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. For example, one of my favorite things to do is take myself out to a dinner and movie date. It’s a wonderful experience and though I’m alone, I don’t feel lonely. I’ve made the choice to do something by myself. And at the end of the day, our relationship with our self  is of first importance. Ironically, when you become okay with being alone, many people will be attracted to your confidence and self-reliance. The opposite is also true, such as few things are less appealing than someone who desperately needs a boyfriend or girlfriend. :P

People change, relationships evolve and circumstances shift from time to time. If you feel like you’re trying to fit square peg of a relationship into a round hole of your life, maybe it’s time to make room for something new and different. It’s not a friendship or relationship gone wrong, just something you’ve outgrown. And sometimes the best way to repect that relationship is knowing when to say goodbye. ;') Gently let it go, and then relax in the freedom and peace that you’ve created. It is for the important work that you are doing, and even the problems you had in school were a training ground for it. If you had not been bullied (and become a better person because of it), you would not be able to provide quality advice now.  >:D

I believe everything which happens to us has a reason when we grow up later. Because when this young person has gone through this now, he/she will be better able to relate to other young people in similar situations. (Perhaps as a counselor or youth worker.) :)  So goodluck!

Wealth on my mattress...

Some people don't always know about me. So, Its about ‘The Stranger’ world that I created. It was for having a space for myself, where i could feel comfortable and not feeling like Im such a freak all the time...Like living as a homeless person in town or lonely street,... Sitting and Sleeping on the same small mattress, with all my wealth that I have on my mattress ( small bowl consist of some money for survival)... and yet Im grateful for that... :) I guess I never really valued wealth, money or some hot stuff like every single teenager would have. To me wealth is my happiness and right now my wealth is my family. :) Thus,  for me, family always comes first than anyone... 

                                 (From left, my mother, my father, and my eldest younger sister, dira)

Being the eldest son in the family is not as easy as some people see it. Of course, I need to try to be always good at everything in the family, so that the siblings would follow me. In fact, It needs a lot of responsibilities. But I feel very grateful, because my family matters so much to me. My parents were my everything since I was born. I love my family so much. Even vision myself married and having kids. And Its something I have now, having my beloved parents and siblings. I just want more of it. Better than ever in future. :)

            (From left, hada, yana, two little sister with different age of one year, and myself)

 These pictures were taken, during a family dinner gathering near a beach in penang. The place was really nice with colorful neon lights, even though it was raining heavily that night. So, my father ordered some of the best seafood dishes there. Here are they... xD'

They look so good don't they? xD However, they are really expensive. =.='  They cost nearly RM190. And there are all 5 dishes of them with cooked rice. Thus, they are not worthy. :/ But we are lucky to have such delightful dinner that night. It was a memorable day. Like It happens once in a year to have such scrumptious seafood. xD Oh well, be grateful... :3

Carrier That I've went through...

Almost everyone has a dream of something important in life. It is about committing yourself so hardly to the thing you most passionate about, and for me it was always carrier, and it is about the moment where i was about to change my life in future to be better, step by step, from time to time and from one phase to another. :D Its not that easy, but I try so hardly. :P


It feels like battles you survive that make you what you are meant to be. There is no stopping anyone when they really want something, but it sure as hell, ain't an easy road to get to myself. I've been knocked down, kicked in the teeth, betrayed by those who are supposed to be friends, deserted by so called friends who had no problem coming to me for help when I could barely take care of myself, but I was there for them. Maybe some of them. :3  It feels really bad. Sometimes I feel like going to compete with others in a negative way. Or maybe that would be the worst idea. :/ So better not to do that kind of thing. Its stupid as hell. No offense.:3 


For me, in order to succeed in my life, there must always be some sacrifice. For example, maybe a shy, confused or a quiet person like me? (As some people describe me) Its better to not to waste time during weekend in college. For me, I never do overnight at somewhere else or out from the boundary of myself. For some reason, I don't like to do that kind of stuff too. Even If I enjoy to do that kind of thing, who will I go out with? Someone who has no friend, like me? nah,... bad idea. :P

 Its the best for me, to spend more time, during my free time to study or doing some exercise. Especially in the evening? xD because Im not into sports like normal people do. If people would think its weird, then Its not a problem, because Im a weirdo. :) Life is like a stair case. You can't skip a step, and you have to stand on that step until you learn the lesson you're meant to learn. What I can say is that, you should wear your scars proudly, because they're evidence that you got back up!!! :P

p/s: The culture of students must always towards empathy, not aggression. Compassion is the water to put out a angry fire. :D

The Stranger's Street...

Do you know, what it is like, to walk in the stranger's street? With cold and loneliness surround the feelings... Trash everywhere with beggars and homeless people along the streets... It's pretty the same with what I've had in my life. Still, the struggle is infinite and continuing... I could tell that  I am mischievous kid when I was small... My parents hated me sometimes. Especially mom, whenever she saw my room in such a mess up, dirty and untidy. That, would be just me. A Simple Life. And parents keep changing me to gain better. :T My bath toys were facebook and a radio. That would be enough for a nerd guy like me, living in my virtual world,without bothering anyone except my family... ;)

Looking back on my life, it’s the criticisms that I remember most and more clearly than the compliments. I remember the names in elementary school or the times when people teased me about being ugly, inappropriate and silly . In fact, there are many annoying titles that have been received by me, in the school years.The nice things that people said have taken a back seat. To help to spread the love, I made up my mind to just be nice to those people and try to keep distances as possible between each of us. No people were getting hurt during the process. I’m absolutely thrilled with the result. :D It’s my new favorite act since that time. And maybe it will be one of yours too :p  p/s: Just maybe...

I never liked school; almost everyone thought I was a freak with bad haircut and look. I know how would feel. They treated me the same way. I didn’t want to play or hang out with other teenagers. I was too busy imagining that I was an engineer just like my father. I never was into sports. I wanted to improve my studies all day. Again I felt the same way amazing. :) The schoolmates didn’t like me. Probably close-minded they said. I said to myself "Who cares? I'll be your greatest stranger ever and It better be... " ;)

Since that day, I always talk to myself  whenever I felt to. It was a "my brain were eaten by zombies" experience... and made myself turning into a zombie since that moment. >:D A zombie with no heart and feelings, towards criticisms upon me. Probably a stranger too. :/  I guess that what I'm trying to say  is that, the reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. why? Because, I wanna free myself of being manipulated by people and make me feel like I can create my own decision independently without rely on others. But sometimes I can get really lonely. Especially when I'm losing my hope. At that moment, the only thing that is on my mind is to improve myself better and this can be done with my prayer. Always believe in HIM.  It's not always that easy when you're in depression, however you will be satisfied with it when it works on you. It's pretty that simple. Our life as human is just a phase, but the lifestyle will change the full hope and peace...  :)

If I had nine of my fingers missing, I wouldn't type any slower till now.... sorry peeps. That's all from me till now... thanks for reading... :)